most of american life consists of driving somewhere and then returning home, wondering why the hell you went.[updike]

what is even going on anymore??

because i'm not sure..

cynical

Cynicism (Greek: κυνισμός), in its original form, refers to the beliefs of an ancient school of Greek philosophers known as the Cynics (Greek: Κυνικοί, Latin: Cynici). Their philosophy was that the purpose of life was to live a life of Virtue in agreement with Nature. This meant rejecting all conventional desires for wealth, power, health, and fame, and by living a simple life free from all possessions. As reasoning creatures, people could gain happiness by rigorous training and by living in a way which was natural for humans. They believed that the world belonged equally to everyone, and that suffering was caused by false judgments of what was valuable and by the worthless customs and conventions which surrounded society. Many of these thoughts were later absorbed into Stoicism. [wikipedia]

someone the other day was trying to convince me that I was too cynical. I felt guilty, at first. then I thought about why feeling guilty was silly. what's so wrong with being cynical? I don't think i'm perfect, trust me. but I certainly won't think you're perfect either.. forgive me now. perhaps, my whole opinion on this matter will shift someday. but, for now, this is how I feel.

and only control freaks can't handle a cynical person. these people put a negative label on the word. cf's:: if i'm not happy with a situation, please remember that my feelings have nothing personal to do with you. I let you feel. let me feel..

frustrating, no?

"Directions: Heat and serve. Please do not overcook."

someboy

some boy, in some town was in some house. in a room, a small, foggy-smelling room. he thought about cliches, as he felt his heart pounding back and forth against the walls of his chest. he licked his lips, laid his head back, then shook it furiously. there was no use, he thought. this wouldn't ever work. no one would let it.

someone else walked in. the door creaked as it shut. in some room, he was about to come alive. or he would die.